Faux pas, the way my mind works, and the past week

So this past week I haven’t blogged or written anything. I feel very unaccomplished. I feel the shame of telling myself I would do something and then not following through. I suppose it is my instinct to become distracted/interested in something else that makes it so easy for me to forget about what I wanted to do. I have lived with it all my life. I might have Adult ADD (or so my wife says). In any case, on one hand, it has led to my love of diversity and never being bored; on the other hand, it means I have so many unfinished projects that weigh on me to finish.

But I think I’m near a turning point.

During this week of lack of blogging, I have been living life. Nothing too crazy or out of the ordinary, but just doing things that I was describing when I alluded to unfinished projects. I have been either revisiting those projects and made plans to accomplish them or actually working on projects. I’m not going to go into detail because I want to post pictures of my work when I am done and use the projects as their own posts.

So now I have nothing to talk about because the work is going to be in the next (or soon thereafter) blog post. Hmmm… what to say.

In designing and writing this blog, I have definitely contemplated being careful of what I say. This message (or at least a link to it) will be posted on every social media outlet I have that people that know me follow. It almost makes me not want to say anything because much of the important part of what I have to say is faux pas. It seems like the people I know aren’t even the right audience I want to reach. I almost don’t even want to waste my time.

But then again, there are a few of the people I know that will probably care about it and engage me in conversation about it. Others would decide I’m not worth knowing and probably unfriend or unfollow me. Others might be ambivalent, and some even might take a very antagonist stance against me. These are the people I am afraid of.

I’m afraid because they’re ignorant. I wish I could see it some other way, but to me that’s what it is. It’s not whatever it is they’re trying to convince me it is. I can really see it from so many points of view that I get it. I really do. I understand the situation. I’ve been studying it and evaluating for most days of my adult life, and I feel like I deserve a little credit for my studies. However, “studying” the situation is viewed as part of the problem. For my topic of choice at its very worst can be bad, but still pales in comparison to the problems it’s in the running with.

I’ve written about it so much that I can’t help but sometimes sit with my hands on my cheeks and sigh. It’s a perfectly legitimate topic, but is out of the ordinary for so many people who want to ignore it and hope that by doing so it will disappear.

But the problem isn’t going to disappear. It’s going to continue on so long as the ignorant people are allowed to be in control of the situation. Democracy is a funny game. In this particular instance, it seems like a large percentage of the population have an opinion, but believing one way or another seems to influence the likelihood of whether or not someone will vote for change.

If you’re still with me, the topic is Cannabis. Really, literally, yes. It seems juvenile of me to spend so much time thinking and talking about it, not to mention the countless hours I’ve spent under its influence, but it seems adult of me to actually want to discuss it as a legitimate topic. Everyone that I know just seems to want to keep it faux pas and hidden from everyone’s daily lives. I want to put it in the spotlight and really get down to the nitty gritty of what it is, why it holds such a strong position in the world, and what the best strategy is for handling it.

Because as of now, I really look down upon those in power because of their handling of this topic. Obama laughed it off when it was the most popular topic on YouTube’s viewer response to the State of the Union in 2010. I couldn’t believe that. To be president of the United States and laugh at a topic that is so important to so many people. I lost a lot of respect for him that day. Just as a man. Forget the presidency, I don’t respect Barack Obama because of the poor choices he has made as a man in the president’s shoes.

The point is, this topic is important, and the USA is being very juvenile about the way we are handling it. Knowledge does not control the country, money does. It is not enough that hemp is an important, game-changing crop; in the eyes of the US federal government, it’s all about the drug and that it is consumed. I got news for you – alcohol is worse, and it’s legal.

It really is a shame. We could really be benefiting from intellect, but instead we choose to drown ourselves in ignorance.

I digress, as usual. I wish I had a better method for going off on tangents, but it seems like too much work to organize my thoughts. If I did that consistently, I wouldn’t have the free flow of thoughts that make my thinking so much fun and productive. So I’m not really going to change. I’m going to write in the order that my mind works. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to read it.

At this point, I doubt anyone is reading this anyway. It’s probably just here for my own use. Which is fine. I can’t say I want the excessive attention and scrutiny that comes with being famous. If anything, I just want to have a way to reach out and affect the world. Whether that comes through this blog post or the site, or anywhere really, I don’t care. I just want that opportunity. I think I’m getting closer to it with this past week being so mentally productive for me.

Ryan on 2-23-12 at 7.53 PM

This is good for me.

At least, I hope it is.

I can’t be too sure of anything anymore. I went from being confident in myself to learning too much and now I don’t know what I can really be sure of. It’s tough, but at least I’m not lying to myself like so much of the world. Seriously, do people actually believe all of the bullshit that they say? And that they hear other people say? I don’t know how you can take one person’s word over another anymore.

And that goes for the “highly educated” people, too. I mean, look at Michael Jackson’s doctors. At least one of them was found guilty of feeding him drugs. You can’t tell me that didn’t have ANYthing to do with money. Money was probably the biggest factor in it. He got rich prescribing drugs for MJ who then goes crazy and dies of an overdose. Poor bastard.

So we can’t even trust doctors, it seems. Sure there are some good ones out there, like your family physician. I don’t disbelieve you when you tell me he’s a good man and he takes care of you. But what about the rest of the world? To whom will they entrust their health to? Certainly not someone like Conrad Murray. Or at least you hope not.

So where was I? Oh yes, I think this blog is actually good for me. If I can get over the idea of having people read this. Even though it doesn’t seem like a lot of people do anyway, I just don’t want to embarrass myself like it seems I always do when I try something new. I just never really kept a diary (I tried repeatedly, but I couldn’t stay motivated to keep writing). I think this is the answer. The motivation I have is that the blog’s online and I don’t want my web presence to die out, so I keep writing… or tweeting… or sending pictures, etc. At least now I have a permanent home on the Internet.

I enjoy having my own website. Even if I didn’t build it from scratch. But I know how it works and I can maintain it myself. So there. And I’m not even halfway through my web design class. >-D